Recently I have been thinking a lot about the pregnancy and motherhood related issues. How does becoming/being a mother change one person? How do you switch your mindset from being 1+1=2 to 1+1=3... How does one handle the pressure from the crowd, how do people react and how does that change your sanity of mind? Well... it's sad to say that more and more of what people think comes crashing on other people's lives. We depend and listen so much to what other people say that we forget to look inside ourselves and see our true path in life. I was thinking of the things that I have heard recently as a mum to be, things that no mum should hear.
|Photo by Bellove Moments|
Here are 5 things no mum should hear while they are pregnant:
1. "So cute! Can I touch your belly?! (Immediately putting her/his hands on your belly) - No! Just... NO! It's a part of the growing mum's body that gets very sensitive now! Be it family or friends one should ask before and wait to be given an answer if they can or cannot touch. I know people expect to touch it and feel the baby move, but guess what?! You don't feel the movements all the time! And even if it moves and the you put the hand on the belly, the baby will stop as it does not know you and it does not recognise your voice. All you will touch is a belly that does not move. Wriggling the tummy won't help either, tryst me! Listen to the mum and just let the tummy be! Don't touch it!!!
2. "Oh my God! You've grown so big!" ("Are you maybe having twins?!") - I was lucky enough not to hear this awful phrase but I know many mummy's who did and who got depressed. There will be some people telling you that you are not big enough and that you are not showing at all (like I did not show until the 5th month or so) and some will just be mean and pick at you and point fingers at your growing belly. Don't listen to any of them! Each mum and baby's body is different and grows and shows in a different way. There is no pattern except the fact that most probably the last 2 months you will be putting on most of the weight in no time. Be prepared for that ;) and if you are a friend or family of the mum to be stop pointing it out! Just stop!
3. "Enjoy time off while it lasts! When the baby comes you'll have no life of your own! No more going out or travelling" - oh... these people know nothing! I have seen couples travelling with kids and growing them up in a safe environment where they teach responsibility to the child from a very small age. Let's not forget that being part of a multilingual family brings benefits for the kids in term of language skills: or child will know Polish, English and Romanian ;) so they will be a better travel partner than any grown up! It's true that with kids you need to be more careful where you go and what you do but you can't cuddle and cradle a kid until they are 18/21 :/ that's just wrong! I have seen parents with kids to concerts and gigs and parties, seen them taking vacations abroad... it takes a but more practice and preparation but it's totally doable! So stop that old time black and white thinking where you need to keep the baby indoor and away from all temptation :/
4. "You NEED to have a c-section/natural birth. It's the best way to have the baby, trust me, I've been there and done that!" - Oh, yes! The all knowing friendly mum's that think they know them all and think they have everything figured out and that they know best for you and your baby and your family. Just don't listen to them, I repeat: each pregnancy and each woman and each baby is different! What may be good for one at not be good for the other. The best way for both mum and baby is the natural birth but if that is not possible due to how the baby is positioned or the size of the baby or other problems that mum or baby may have... the c-section is the way to go! Don't get stubborn on one way to deliver. Be flexible and listen to the doctor and not your friends and family. The doctor and midwife has the experience (years and years!) that you need. A friend who have birth to 4 kiddy know a bit more but still does not qualify one to be the one who makes the decision. You and the doctor need to figure out what is best! Screw the others option: it's not their pregnancy nor their baby nor their body!
5. "HORROR STORIES" about women who were pregnant - keep them to yourself! Don't frighten the mum to be! She has already a thousand things on her head, her whole world is changing, scaring her won't help! Stories of failed pregnancies or what one should or should not eat, books that you've read or stories that you've heard about natural pregnancies going bad or c-section going wrong... don't tell her that! There is no added value in that and stressing her out only harms her and the baby. If you can't think of a nice story to tell, well then... SHUT UP! She needs a positive and safe and happy environment! If you can't provide that, go away with all that negative energy!
I think you may or may not agree with me. You may even have your own list of things one lady should not hear while the baby is growing inside her womb. A lady should be protected and cherished at this time - you have no idea what she is going through and even if you "been there, done that" then I need to tell you, again and again, that each person is unique. Each person handles pregnancy on its own way. Each person needs to have their own quality time and relaxation. A time off from all the nonsense that (random) people throw at you. And I surely hope every lady has that!
The Twisted Red LadyBug that loves her small LadyBug Baby